I've been so busy lately I have literally SCHEDULED time into my Saturday to rant about shit. And if you don't like what you read, then don't comment. I honestly don't give a flying fuck, because I know the people who do care are the only people worth hearing anything from.

I went into the city the other day and I realized how suburbanized I was. Before, they only nature I would see was an occasional planted tree and sometimes a park. But when I moved out to the island, something changed. When I went to the city, I missed all that nature; I missed the grass and the tree and the flowers. The building were so ugly and tall and grey and putrid. It was like I was being squashed under their weight. I've now realized I can't go to a city college. It's gotta be rural or suburban.

Last night, I couldn't sleep. It was such a nice night; I had gone with three friends to go see a movie, we had candy, walked and talked. My bedsheets were frosty on the outside, warm in, I was wearing my favorite PJs. But I couldn't sleep. So, I ended thinking about stuff.

I realized how strong and weak friendships can be. My close friend and I have been hanging out a lot more and I realize what a really great and awesome friend she is and how I would do anything for her. She's there when I need her, even if it's something stupid. But I have another friend who I see rarely, and when I tried to talk to her about something, she just disappeared on me. I know I'm not exactly her closest friend (it's kind of obvious), but she had agreed to listen, and then just stopped responding. Even though it was one event, I feel like I can never talk to her like that ever again, I can't trust her to talk about my feelings that way I can with my really close friend.

But is that being fair? How could I jump to that big conclusion like that and just shut her out from my personal life? Maybe I had been pushing a limit? Some people would argue that no matter what, a friend should be there, but where do the duties of a friend start and end? Are there topics that should be taboo? Was my feeling of hurt and neglect from abandonment or a strike to my pride?

Speaking of that, I've been noticing with some my friends, I've been getting really distant, and we don't talk too much, and I get a little mad. But what if its not their problem...what if its mine? What if I'm an attention seeker? Someone who gets jealous when someone isn't paying any attention to make but to everyone else? Maybe I'm just a bad friend; it would explain a lot about my attitude and my thinking.

So I've decided. I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt, everyone I've assumed about, everyone I've annoyed, everyone I've tainted. I'm sorry. There won't be a chance for it to happen again.

Thank you.